hermanas

I'm so thankful for my sisters. Not only my biological sister, Madison, but my sorority sisters. They have really made a difference in my life. Not only are they there for me to cut up and be goofy with, but they are spiritual there for me. I'm so blessed I found an amazing group of girls in college that share my same values and morals. They're my best friends and truly my sisters. :)

Me and the birthday girl!

I say this because I hung out with them alllllll night! I enjoyed every minute of it. We surprised MooMoo (Megan!) for her big 2-0! Me, Ruby (aka Julia, my roommate), Tara, Sam, Rex (aka Alysa), Sunny (Brooke), and Morgan all went to Sam & Rex's house for her celebration. We talked, ate pizza and cake, took extremely awkward photos, and watched the Bieber movie, Never Say Never. I would never in my right mind watch that willingly. But with the help of these lovely ladies, it was bearable and kinda funny. 


Anyways, just wanted to express that I love my sisters and they are my best friends. God couldn't have placed better people in my life. :)

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friend."

-John 15:13

dejen resonar la libertad

First off, I'm so thankful people are compassionate and forgiving and understanding. It makes me happy God shows Himself and His love through other people. :) My day has been kinda boring...just been practicing a speech on hand washing over and over. Exciting, right. But the main point of my blog today is about a hometown hero I'd like to tell you about...

This to my right is PFC Don Eslinger. Or to me and many others, Donny. He graduated from high school with me, and joined the military straight out of it. He was stationed in Alaska and then went to Afghanistan for his first tour back in March or April. He came home a few weekends ago and when he came to Tuscaloosa, I got to see him for the first time since graduation. He came up and gave me a hug and said "The battlefield will change you...I love ya Lauchlan." I was like awww Donny! He then returned to Afghanistan the following week. Anyways, lol, while sitting during halftime at the Bama this past Saturday, I turned on my nearly dead phone  and received a text from my best friend back home, Kelsey. She said, "you heard about Donny?" My heart immediately dropped. I responded, no what happened? She went on to tell me he had been shot during battle and was in critical condition. I almost cried. I mean, it's not like me and Donny were ever really close back in school, but he was still one of my friends. Throughout the night, we got updates from his mom, Mrs. Mary, who by the way is by far one  of the strongest ladies I've ever met. He was gonna be ok! He had broken leg, broken ribs and they had to remove his spleen. He also had alot of fluid in his brain. Then, he was in a medical induced coma to try to help the fluid. He is currently trying to get stable enough to be evacuated out of Afghanistan and into a military base in Germany, and then he'll be taken to a hopsital in the US. Probably in D.C. 

It's crazy how many people have been praying for him, even though they don't know him. I'm so blessed and thankful that Donny is one of the thousands that sacrifice their lives for our freedom. Donny is truly a hero and everyone is finally giving him the credit he deserves. Of course, knowing Donny, he's going to say "I don't deserve all this, I'm just doing my job". That what makes him a true hero. I love you, Donny, and I will continue praying for your recovery. And for anyone reading my blog, please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. The power of prayer really works.

confianza y el perdón

Trust is a tricky thing to deal with. It takes years to build, but seconds to destroy. Unfortunately, I have had the worse experience with that little 5 letter word. In my past, I've had some (good) people completely let me down, cheat on me (relationship-wise) and completely shatter my trust in general. It's so hard for me to let people know everything because I'm so scared they're going to tell everyone else or do something that will hurt me. For instance, I find it so hard to find someone to vent or talk to when I'm having a problem. Only because when I have told people stuff in the past, they've ran their mouths to everyone and their mama about my personal business. And probably the hardest thing for me is relationships. Gosh, I'm so terrible at them. My trust issue is such a burden and I really wish I could just get rid of it, but it's not that easy. Just because a few guys have cheated on me, makes me think they're all gonna leave me and I'll never find my true love.


Vince is a different story though. He's the best guy I've ever met. I mean, we've been together over a year. If he wanted to break up, he would have broken up with me already. But yet, somehow I always think he's gonna cheat on me. He hasn't done anything to make me think that. And when I start thinking like that, it actually hurts me more than protects me. It's just planted in my brain that for some reason I don't deserve a good guy that won't hurt me. Well honestly, I feel like I don't deserve anybody who won't hurt me. Boyfriends, friends, family, ect. I KNOW it's Satan putting lies in my head. But, sometimes I think...what if he's right? What if I'm such a horrible person/friend/girlfriend, that I don't deserve forgiveness and loyal, true friendship?


Then God grabs my attention. "Lies, Lauchlan, He's a liar." But I say, "God, I am not a great person all the time. I make mistakes, I let people down, I am a sinner. I don't deserve it." But then He says, "But I forgive you. I sent my son to die for you, so you can have friends and loved ones." Ok, so I don't physically hear the voice of God when I have conversations and conflicts, but I do hear a little voice inside my head which I'm about 100% sure is God. As crazy as it sounds, that's how He speaks to me. But, it's true. Although, I feel like and probably in all reality don't deserve everything and everyone I have in my life, God makes it possible. He blessed me with a great, loyal boyfriend because He loves me. He blessed me with amazingly awesome friends who forgive, because He loves me. He loves me.


HE LOVES ME?! It's still such a crazy concept to me that the creator of the Universe, the creator of everything loves me and is looking out for me. I am important to Him. Mind blowing. Not only that, but He knows every single thing I've ever done, and yet, He forgives me? No questions asked. I'm speechless.  So, next time you feel as if you don't deserve anything, reality, you probably don't, but with God, He gives you what you need and deserve in His eyes.

"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against Him."

-Daniel 9:9

tan pequeño

"It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back"
-Carrie Underwood, So Small








Carrie pretty much sums up my day. Kinda. There's something going on that seems so big right now to someone, and I feel like if something bad were to happen (like a wreck), that this wouldn't even matter anymore. The words of that verse really mean something to me. Especially the last 5 lines. (Starting with While you sit...) It's so true. No matter how long you sit and think about something that has already happened, it's not going to change. And then you're wasting your time thinking about something you can't change when you could be living your life. You can't get the time back. Stop living in the past, and move on.


Easier said than done, I know. Well, in some cases. For instance, if your parents were divorced, it's understandable to be difficult to get that out of your head when you're in a relationship. But when someone makes a mistake, and you keep dwelling on it...it won't get you anywhere really. Especially, when the mistake wasn't even that big to begin with and won't ever be repeated. In case you haven't caught on, that's what's going on with me right now. I won't mention names but one of my friends is mad at me because I made a mistake (which I didn't realize was a big deal anyways) and is debating on whether or not to end our friendship. I would say that's a dumb reason, but I'm not one to declare whether or not someone's thinking patterns is dumb or not. But anywayssss...I just think that something that small shouldn't determine a friendship. Just my opinion.


Anyways, that's all I've got for now. Might right more later...

Mi Deseo

I really have no other way to start my blog off other than venting about what all is going on in my life right now. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with my realization of the day. It started off as a really good day. Vince (my boyfriend) had went home to see his family, so I was being productive back at my place. Doing laundry, spanish homework, the usual. So, all was going good and then the first round of things started. A girl who went with my church this year on our beach retreat, Becca, texted me saying she needed to talk to me. Which that isn't a problem, I am always up for listening and trying to help. Well, she went on to tell me she had gotten in a fight with a friend of hers and now they aren't talking. The reason was because she got mad because her friend didn't text her back soon enough. And it got me thinking...I do the same thing. I tend to forget people have lives, and have better things to do than text me back immediately. 

Then I got to thinking, why do I have the need to feel so important to someone at all times. I mean, it's not like I wasn't loved as a child or I came from a bad home/childhood. I honestly don't know why I desire so much attention. Especially with boyfriends. I think that's probably one of the worst traits about me...I crave constant affection and attention. That's the great thing about being one of God's creations though...when people let you down, God is always there. Not to say you should turn to people before God for attention and love, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying we often forget that the Master of the universe has a constant and unconditional love for us, His children. He will never say I'm not good enough or I'm not worth it. He loves me despite all the messed up things I do.

“We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.” - Stasi Eldridge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul.

I've also been re-reading a book of mine, Captivating. It describes a bunch of the emotions and thoughts I've been experiencing lately. My main question has been "WHY?". Why am I so emotional? Why do I need constant affection? Why did God make me this way? With all these why's, I decided I might do some research and find out. After reading some, I discovered, there's nothing wrong with me at all. God made me emotional so I would come to Him for comfort. God made me affectionate so He could fulfill my needs. God made me this way because He could fully satisfy me. I will be the first to admit, I often lose focus that God is truly my number 1. He has weird ways of reminding me, but I am so glad He does.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." 

- Psalms 37:4

That verse now has truly different meaning for me now. Not to say He won't satisfy our worldly desires, but He will ultimately fulfill our deepest desires, the ones way hidden down in our hearts.